Swearing Off

For those planning their 2022 resolutions, we’ll offer the following suggestions:

Text of the poem "Swearing Off" follows.
Skidmore News (Skidmore, Missouri), Jan. 1, 1920, p. 2.

Poem reads, “Swearing Off. Resolved: That after January 1 I’ll conquer every evil habit, and if one shows its ugly head, directly through the heart I’ll stab it. Resolved: That lying is a vice — All moralists alike decry it. Henceforth I will not tell a lie, Unless I can make something by it! Resolved: That gossiping’s a crime, To be condemned with censure icy. Hereafter I will tell no tales, Unless they’re singularly spicy. Resolved: That robbery is a sin, And so I will not rob my neighbor, In any way that might involve, A term in prison at hard labor. Resolved: That I will go to church, (Unless some other occupation, Seems more attractive at the time), And so enhance my reputation. Resolved: In short, that I will be, A moral man, as some men view it, And when the path of virtue lures, That I will zealously pursue it! — Somerville (Mass.) Journal.”

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